Anniversaries and writing

Three years ago today, we made it official. We got married:



And what an amazing 3 years it has been. We now have 3 amazing children. I graduated from University. I started my own business. We moved to a new city. It has been a busy 3 years. It has been 3 years of ups and downs, but I wouldn't trade a moment away. I look forward to many more years together.

On a completely different note, but some what related. Tomorrow marks the start of NaNoWrimo

I had been debating whether or not I would participate this year. I am very very short for time and have a lot going on. But you know what, I love NaNoWrimo, and even if I only get a couple 1000 words, I always feel so accomplished. In 2010 I actually wrote a whole novel. It felt awesome. So again, I will try to reach that goal of 50 000 words. How is this related to my anniversary you ask? Well the first time I did NaNoWrimo was the year we got married. That's right, I spent part of my first morning married, sitting at my laptop in the hotel room writing. Romantic right ;) ?

Fybromy-whats- a?

This is something I have not really blogged about. Most because it has been a somewhat dormant issue the last few years. When I was in high school, I was diagnosed with Fybromyalgia. At that time, I was treated with a heavy dose of drugs, which resulted in two things. One I spent some time completely high in school, and two, the lining in my stomach was damaged and I couldn't even handle taking Tylenol and was in considerable pain for a few days.

Since that experience I have for the most part sworn off drugs. The pain meds I was on stopped working after a few doses ( this seems to be a normal trend for me with pain medication) and they did more damage than good. I decided to just deal with the pain and push through it. There were days that I did not get out of bed. There have been many tears out of frustration from feeling anywhere between achy to upright pain on a regular basis. But I learned my limits, and for the most part was able to manage the pain.

Fast forward to 3 years ago when I got pregnant. Some times, those with fybromyalgia gain relief from their symptoms while pregnant. I was one of those people, and since I just had 3 children next to back to back, I have been for the most part, symptom free. It has been wonderful.

I was completely unprepared for the flare up that happened and is still happening about a week after Olivia was born. Everything hurts and I am extremely tired. Granted I know these two things come hand in hand with having a baby, but this is different, this is fybro pain.  I am stiff and I feel like an old woman.

Another symptom of fybromyalgia is something called brain fog. This is something I have been experiencing a lot lately. It makes it hard to even put a sentence together. So focusing on work as been an interesting task. Actually, it has been down right frustrating as everything has been taking me twice as long.

It has also made breastfeeding a huge challenge. If I am having a really bad day, then breastfeeding hurts. It hurts when she latches and sucks. It hurts to be sitting or laying in one position too long.

I also have to really manage stress, as stress makes it much worse. Stress also hugely affects the quality of my milk, so it is important that I keep stress down for Olivia.

And all I can do is laugh at this.. As I am writing this, Olivia is nursing, one toddler is freaking out beside me because he can't get my now trashed sunglasses on, and the other one is freaking out at her dad for getting her dressed. Low stress environment? I think not.

Letters To My Children - Oct 28th

Dear the three of you

I just wanted to say I love you all so much. You make our life so exciting, and though frustrating at times, very fun as well.

I also wanted to say thank you for not making yesterdays shopping trip hell. You were all amazingly good until the very end. Granted, what can we expect after dragging you through the grocery store, the mall and another big store.. then hitting Toys R Us.. Lets just say, we did not stay long there. I am sure another couple of minutes there and all hell would have broken out.

I love when you play together. Olivia I know at the moment you are not included in this, but boy are you in for some fun when you can.

I love the hour right before bedtime, when Elisabeth and Julius run around, playing together. It is usually  an hour of laughter and it is great fun watching you two play and bond and have fun with each other. It is a wonderful break from the rest of the day when you are pestering and fighting with each other.

I sometimes worry that you two won't be as close as I would like you to be, but then I see these moments and know you two will always be there for each other. I can't wait for the days when it is all three of you playing together. It is going to be so much fun.

Linking up with the Super Sunday Sync

The Art Of Baby Laying

You would think, by my 3rd child I would have mastered this. You know, the very special art of transferring that adorable.. quiet.. sleeping baby from your arms to anywhere else. AND have them still sleeping for more than say 2 minutes. Say long enough to do something, like shower, or brush your teeth.. or just sit there sans baby.

I have a confession. I am horrible at this. I always end up with my hand, arm or whatever stuck, resulting in way to much movement, resulting in waking sleeping baby. Every.Single.Time.

After 3 children I still can not manage this. It is a bit pathetic really. It's not like I can't say I haven't had enough practice. I practice this art multiply times a day. I fail this art multiple times a day.

Oh well, I guess I will just have to deal with this:

My Dark Day

Today is usually a wordless wednesday post, but today I need to have words.

If you are a Gilmore Girls fan, then you may know what I mean by 'dark day' (remember that episode about Luke's dark day?). Well today is my dark day. 13 years ago I lost my father.  He bled out from a burst tumor in his lungs at home. We did not know he had cancer, so it was a very sudden and traumatic event in my life. One that I will never be able to rid from my mind. Time has for the most part eased the pain of losing my father and not having him in my life. However today, this year, on the anniversary of his death I am having a hard time. We were close, but I lost him at a young age and did not get to know him well. I hate that.

Perhaps it is because I have come such a long way in the last couple years that I am missing him so much more this year. There are big things happening in my life, and I wish he was here to share them with. I wish my children could have met him. I wish that he could have met my children, or heck even my husband.

I can't really put a lot of words to it, other than I just want to shy away from the world today and grieve a little. It has been many years now, but every time something big happens in my life I grieve just a little bit. I grieve those lost moments that I so desperately wish I could have with him.

Each year, I usually have a moment on the 24th where I remember. This year, I am a ball of emotion. I am sad. I am angry. I am disappointed. I am hurt. This year it is hitting my hard.

So if you are waiting for something from me today, I hope you will understand, I will get back to you tomorrow or the next day. Today I need time. I need to reflect. I need to grieve.

Linking up with: